Tuesday, June 12, 2007

my legacy

so a good friend of mine, who moved to el paso last year and who was the 2nd person i came out to lost her father last week, she closed on her house here in cleveland, and they had the memorial service last weekend talked at length about the legacy that her father has left, so it has started me thinking, what will my kids say about me when i am gone, my son would say that i paid for everything probably, my daughter would probably say that i am the dad that lied to her mother and treated her like shit........my wife, well what can i say......she probably would say nothing .my friends, well i never had many friends as they were all her friends, soooooo, the meal ticket being gone, the abuser being gone, well should be a great old party here.......but really i have started thinking, would people even miss me or notice if i were gone....? i don't know..perhaps i never made to many friends as i feared that perhaps the lie would surface, and i of course couldn't have friends that i would be comfortable with as that would give me away too, sometimes i just wonder............

8 comments:

Brent said...

I have felt the same way. I wish I had some words of wisdom to share, but all I can say is it's never to late to make friends, and make amends as best you can.

Lacey said...

Will this pity party never end??? OK...think about this. She fell in love with and married a gay man. I know...you weren't out at the time, maybe not even to yourself, but you WERE a gay man, born and bred, and she fell in love with and married you. You are not the villian. There IS no villian. Climb down off that cross, and start living. Cause neither of you is living now.

Do you know that there are support groups for gay/married men? Hopefully, in your area? That's what saved me, and helped me to know and accept myself and move on with my life.

manxxman said...

I think that your ending comment should be your starting commet. I can understand not making close friends because of being gay, but now that you are "out" you have a whole new opportunity. I have made a number of new friends both gay and straight since I've come out.....and I feel a lot more comfortable in my new skin.

As for a legacy.....who knows what people will remember me for when I'm gone......I'm not particularly fussed about it.....but then again that me.

What about Columbus Pride.....are you considering it?

Stephen said...

There are all kinds of friends, some of the most special ones are the ones I've met thru blogging. Always remember, many of us are miles and miles apart and chances are may never meet in person, but the bonds of friendship remain just as strong.

Creative Thinker said...

Ditto to what Stephen said. You have friends out there. Like he said, just because we may not meet in person anytime soon, doesn't mean there isn't a connection. Look at the positive side - you are about to start a whole new life that is full of opportunites. I would'nt worry one whit as to what they might say about me after I'm gone. Be the best person you can be and you will attract friends that will be there for you and support you and you will do the same for them. Talk about a legacy.

Journeyman said...

Like you, I have had some of those same thoughts. Let me share one bit of hope in that you seem to be a tremendous encourager and all-around nice guy working through some tough stuff. We could use a few more real people like you. Keep journeying.

daveincleveland said...

i guess thats because i am finally real.....this is who i am..thank you thank you journeyman

County Boy said...

I am ready and willing to be your friend, Dave. Don't think about when things end... that will be here soon enough for all of us. There's lots of good times to be had in the here and now...