Wednesday, June 06, 2007

when will it end

i just read a post this morning from brent and he basically sounds like he wrote a letter to his wife about ending things, God i wish i had the guts and courage to do that but in realizing how i hurt her and ended the life she thought would be her safe haven for rest of her life makes me feel like a piece of shit.....i so want to just move on, but something keeps stopping me, its miserable in the house, we don't speak, we don't laugh anymore, we exist, i suppose for the paychecks to keep the house going, the bills paid, she does her thng, i do mine, which is nothing, but soon thats got to stop, i can't continue living in this world where there is nothing but work and then come home and total silence all night, can't do it, don't want to, how many times can i got to a bookstore or coffee house ..then what happens if i should happen to stumble accross and meet someone, what do i tell him, more lies........can't do it anymore, want to meet some one, hold them in my arms, not worry about the lies and just live what life i have left in total happiness and truth

7 comments:

manxxman said...

Dave,

I've read Brent's blog also and replied to it.

A suggestion. Brent finally found the "Desert Adventerours", I think it's time you found Clevelands equilivant. You need to make friends......not look for lovers. You need to start building a circle of friends locally. I think this blog has been good for you. I think you now realize that you're not the "only" one. But I also believe you need to start growing a circle of friends.

Think seriously about joining us in Columbus for Pride. There's always room in our circle for another friend.

Mark

daveincleveland said...

thanks dude, but she keeps such a short leash on me, even to the point of wanting to know who is calling when my cell phone rngs in the house, so now i leave it, my wallet and everything else in my car.......if i am gone more than 5 minutes later than she thinks i should be gone from the store or something she questions me

Wayne said...

Dave.......
You need to end this relationship. There is nothing there any more.
I know it sounds brutal, but the fact is you BOTH sound miserable.
You need to move on, no matter what there repercussions.
That is the only way to get a new life.
Can it be any harder than what you have now?

Brent said...

I wrote that letter really just to clear my head. It was what I wanted to say. I found myself carrying out this argument in my head and so I needed to vent it. The wife and I get along pretty well. We still laugh and talk, but it is different. She has been quite supportive, but I'm not sure how much longer it will last. I don't think I could be as strong as you in your situation. You need to do what's right for you, and remember you have a right to be happy.

DEREK said...

all in your on time! OUr thoughts are with you!

http://deveil.wordpress.com/

Stephen said...

If anyone hears your screams, it is I, my friend. Along this path we travel, there are many side roads, some we have already left our footprints, others are paths still not traveled, just remember, don't stop, keep walking, one day you will reach the destination you seek.

Creative Thinker said...

Dave -- Man, I feel for you. I agree with Mark's comment. You do need to find some friends. They can be a lifeline. You are not alone out there, no matter how much you may think so at times. Not having been married, I can't imagine how hard things like this can be, but know that there are those of us out here that support you and are thinking about you. Hugs.