Saturday, August 25, 2007

reality check

i have finally realized i am a shit when it comes to posting,....perhaps this weekend i will finally purchase a computer for home and will get a little better.

thinks i have been wondering about lately.....age......while i feel like i am somewhat out, i am still at home, dual incomes, house blablabla......when i proceed with the total process i will be alone, a 56 year old divorced male who has come out, have become overweight, and wonder, the gay life is all geared at the 20's and 30's pretty boys perfect bodies, perfect hair, unlimited income...this is how it is all perceived, what i want is the spouse, the house living out the rest of my days as a happy partnered gay man, but once single, it could take years to find that perfect man, one who compliments me, one who i would live to make happy make a home with him....then i will be nearing 60......i dunno guys, this just has been really bothering me......and not sure if it is making any sense, but just thoughts that go through this confused mind of mine

then there is the financial thing, house is mtg'd too high, about 20g over value, no pension, no 401k no savings and about 40 grand in credit card debt thanks to son.......and while there is not going to be any child support, would there be alimony.....she works full time and makes about 30 grand a year.......all thinks i am thinking about......


Robguy said...

While there is a certain perception of 20 something gymboys with lots of money - the truth is that there are a lot of guys who are older, who live on a budget, and have been in better shape. :)

Lewis said...

Robguy is spot on.....if you get outside of the media world, you'll quickly see those of us who don't have it all together, enjoy our cheesecake and burgers, have some debt, an ex-wife, rent instead of own, etc etc. Reality is a harsh reminder sometimes. At some point, you just simply have to take it for what it is.....warts and all. And, not to be rude or harsh or speaking in bad taste, the life you described currently at home doesn't sound all that appealing either, does it? IT CAN BE DIFFERENT. IT CAN BE BETTER. You must creat it! You're the artist and CEO of your life. No one else.

Lewis said...

Well, of all things, looky looky what I's just for you. Enjoy:

During a mid-life crisis, hardly anyone focuses on their accomplishments or strengths. Rather, they focus on the ‘should have dones’ and the ‘what might have beens’. It is an easy trap to fall into; dwelling on the disappointments of life – they are as plentiful as weeds.

Still, I don’t put stock in the notion that if someone 30 years ago turned left rather than turned right, their present life would somehow be so much better. Also, focusing on “the roads not taken” drives one to madness.

Check out the link at:

daveincleveland said...

lewis buddy you as always are awesome in your words
and rob thank you also this all means alot

Anonymous said...

there's myth that we wait and find a perfect partner, when in reality we find a partner and then work together on perfection

Brent said...

I feel the same thing you are feeling. Just remember you are NOT alone.

Akoni S. Chaput said...

Keep your head held high. Positive thoughts can, and are known to create positive situations.

Hope all is better where you are.

The Persian said...

I am the last one to give advice here (single and hating it currently) but there are guys out there who would love to meet you and form a relationship. I find the older the guy the more fed up he is with the "meat-market" thing. And another point, there are far more older guys out of shape in the world than 20-30 year old pretty boys.

I know the isolation and waiting can drive you crazy sometimes (you are really in a tough spot, almost like a cage)but try not to let it bring you down!



Lacey said...

Don't be fooled my media images of what gay IS. There is as much diversity within the gay "community" as there is within any other slice of humanity. Gay men are everywhere, doing everything, not just pumping iron and cruising bars. That is SUCH an inaccurate and skewed view of who we are. Really. You've only just begun. Give yourself time.

Wayne said...

Some very good comments here, especially from Lewis.

sexy said...