Tuesday, December 18, 2007

the holidays

as the wonderful season and day is fast approaching, i sat last night and just watched,listened, and while we are all together in this building called a home, its like neither one are there, oh yeah we are there but i see the hurt, where once was a happy, joyous, holiday filled home with presents, people, oh damn we always had people in, open houses parties, cook outs in the summer, there is nothing anymore, no parties, no people, no friends to drop by and say merry christmas, i feel so responsible for all this and the last thing i ever ever wanted was to hurt her, guess the upbeat mood doesn't last long..................oh well ..........thats it for now

9 comments:

Lewis said...

"I feel so Responsible"......

No way, man....I'm a firm believer in EVERYONE KEEPING THEIR OWN PROBLEMS.....you don't get to take on anyone else's issues, problems, bad attitudes, rejection, or anything else. Just keep your own and manage that well.

Doug said...

Exactly what Lewis said. You can only apologize so many times.

Michael in Norfolk said...

Do not blame yourself for what has happened. You are finally coming to accept yourself as a gay man and, yes, there will be changes, but it is NOT your fault.

You did not ask to be gay and you have the right to live authentically as who you really are. Just as much right as your wife to live as she truly is.

It took me years of therapy to finally stop beating myself up. Do not make the same mistakes that I did. Both you and the wife need to move on, be it togther or apart. You cannot recreate the past, so move forward.

Bear Me Out said...

It's not your fault. It's not your fault. it just is.

To forge into the future includes mourning some of the past.

If you could go back, would you really want to continue that slow-motion suicide of the soul?

You'll make it bro. Listen to your brothers. hang in.

Derek said...

I guess there is no way to do this change without looking back at how things were and what that means for the future...you are not alone in this.

Creative Thinker said...

hang in there sweetie -- you are so loved.

eliot said...

all these guys are right. the first holiday is the worst im sure. we are having a weird time ourselves. i do blame myself but coming out was the right thing to do.

- eliot
dailybriefing.wordpress.com

Steven said...

I can only reiterate what everyone else said and give you a big hug (((((Dave)))))

manxxman said...

Will you can continue to beat yourself up for something you really have no control over (and never did, although you and a lot of us out there tried vainly to control it) or you can start getting on with your new life. That's not to say you won't have slump periods, but you now know where you are headed.

We all love you and want to encourage you......as you do us