Monday, November 05, 2007

still breathing

well its monday morning and i guess i should be happy...still breathing, still not eating much, sleep patterns weird, lonely, very lonely, i am spending more and more time alone in my room, either reading, watching tv or just sleeping, then i wake up can't go back to sleep, finally go back to sleep and don't wake up in time for work, this sucks, i have always been a happy smiling laughing person and all i do not is just silently move through life......or is life moving right past me..............don't know, not sure i really care.............its becoming more of an effort just to do what i used to enjoy and that is singing, singing means happiness and while i go through the motions its hard to stand in front of a congregation of about 900 people and sing all about the praises and how wonderful our God is..............i have broken down in tears several times at work this past week...........think i am loosing my mind................sorry guys this is all i seem to do any more is bitch...............and moan and complain...............sorry..........

8 comments:

Brent said...

I totally understand how you feel. I wish I could offer some words of wisdom. Just know others are going thru the same thing. Find the positive in the things around you, it helps.

Lewis said...

Woo wee....you don't sound good. Be careful. You absolutely HAVE to, a REQUIREMENT, get out of your room.....even if it's just to stand outside or walk around the block or the mall. Anything. I remember the very evening that I went over to the only gay people I knew at the time and said to them "I don't know how much longer I can do this...." (be married, lie, etc.). It wasn't much longer. Something just plain old had to give. And OUR LIVES ARE WORTH LIVING......

Bear Me Out said...

Lewis is right! Keep moving. It sounds like classic symptoms of depression. Been there, done that, still do sometimes.

And sometimes, let the tears come! Have a good cry, but then move on. You can do it buddy.

I've just recently tried something new, called Rhodiola. It's an herbal thing but has helped my mood, etc. I got it at the health food store. Check it out.

You're so worth it, Dave. Take care of yourself. I haven't had the chance to have that hot date with you, yet.

Abelard Enigma said...

Been there, done that. I agree with others - you need to force yourself to get out. Go to the store or something.

Are you taking antidepressants? If not then I strongly urge you to see a doctor. If you are then I strongly urge you to see your doctor, because they aren't working.

manxxman said...

Depression is the worst. Been there done that. I also agree, get yourself to your doctor TODAY and get on an anti depressent. It isn't like the old days of valium where you get hooked. They help you keep your days more leveled.

This is a very difficult period of time for you......I glad you're still singing (I do also). Funnily enough after choir practice and number of us go to a wine bar and chat and have a few glasses of wine. It all started about 3 years ago and I look forward to it......see if anyone would be interested. It will get you out.

Stephen said...

Those screams, those deafening screams of being alone, be Damned! Most of us, your friends, may live hundreds of miles away but never, never forget, we care. I hope you know you can find strength in friendships, even those long distant ones. When I needed a kiss the other day, I turned and you were there, now it is your turn: Hugs and Kisses, my friend.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

If you need to vent, then vent, we are here for you, we understand so bitch away! You and me both buddy, we need to get out and start living, life won't wait for us.

Steven

Steven said...

I can only reiterate what others have already mentioned. I'd love to hear you sing. Can you serenade me?

(((((HUGS)))))